My boyfriend's hotter than me

Does anyone else have this problem? My last boyfriend was too... It's exhausting.

I'm cute. Ish. But, I don't really turn heads or anything. I never get the e-mail saying, "Hey. Saw you at that pool party today. If you ever break up with your boyfriend, let me know. Or if you just wanna fuck around. You're hot."

My dream is to get a post on Missed Connections on Craigslist. I check it every day.

But, my boyfriend is HOT. I mean, smokin'. I mean, model hot. Guys hit on him all the time. He can run in crowds I can't even dream of. It's depressing me actually.

We always said we'd love to have a three way, but I always chicken out when we actually talk about meeting someone. Because I know I'll be the guy that has to be included to get to him.

Honestly, I can't for the life of me understand what he sees in me. He's hopelessly in love with me.

One of my friends said to me once, "You're only as hot as the guys that ask you out." Like that's how you're supposed to measure your hotness. It horrified me. Now I have ANOTHER gauge on the how-attractive-am-I meter?

Then he said, "Look at you. Your boyfriend's hot. And so was your last one."

And I said, "I have a big dick."

My insecurities are getting the better of me though. I'm always imagining that people are wondering why he's with me. I never feel comfortable walking with him on the beach. I often get tired of people telling me how hot he is.

And I know I sound like a shallow bitch.

Or Jan Brady.

Same difference, I guess.

I have a blog

I have one already. But, the other day, someone at work approached me and made some very kind remark about a very personal post I had put up. Nothing racy. Just personal. And, stupid me, it shocked me that he had found it.

I am now creating a blog that's going to be anonymous. So, I can share my insecurities. My sex fantasies (and some realities.) My job dissatisfaction (when it's there.) My shortcomings and some other things I don't want my friends and family to know.

It's a secret. But if you want to know more, just ask.